2017 Team Roster
Abbi with an i
Last season Amel informed us that she was leaving the team to pursue her dream of being on the reality show Real Housewives of Atlanta. This is one of the photos she submitted in her application. We'll never stand in the way of one of our players pursuing her dreams, but the reality of this reality is that Amel is not married, and doesn't own a house. So you can see how it might be difficult to be cast as a housewife in that scenario. That's not even her dog, and besides Amel isn't a trifling, self absorbed, materialistic parasite living off the accomplishments of others. Sorry to shoot down your dream bud, but I don't think you were cut out for this one.
It's better than having your leg in a brace, but until we get some better, and by better I mean embarrassing, photos of you we will have to crazy dog you for the upcoming season. Here's your dog.....enjoy.
Two years and we've exhausted any potential profile pic we could use so this year you're getting the treatment. The wet dog treatment, that is!
Denae is undergoing one of our post game recovery sessions. Aside from the basic stretching and jogging we encourage our players to take in some oxygen to help speed the repair of muscle damage. What's unique about our process is that we have flavored oxygen supplies. Right now we have Jason's Deli, Pizza, and Dunkin' Donuts options to choose from. You can see Denae using her personalized mask to express her love of paleontology.
What we have here is a campaign photo from the 2014 Tokyo mayoral election. After finishing fourth in the election, Hannah came to UGA looking for a new start and a new haircut. A steady diet of pierogies and Jason's Deli has seen a dramatic weight loss and a tremendous increase in speed. Although it would have been fun seeing people bounce off her as she ran around the field.
We're sure Katherine is hiding the goods somewhere, but until we can find them it's wet dog time.
Lilium is a genus of herbaceous flowering plants growing from bulbs, all with large prominent flowers. Lilies are a group of flowering plants which are important in culture and literature in much of the world.
Lindsay's failed attempt to make the Algerian winter olympic team had some very serious repercussions. After training like this for over a year she's now terrified to go over 5mph. Her ankles are still showing signs of chafing and she leaves a trail of sand wherever she goes. But the real question we all still have is....... A helmet? That's probably the hardest thing for miles.
They say in order to have a great team you need special players, maybe even a one of a kind player. Someone who is different, unique, or unparalleled. We found Lindsey at a unicorn preserve for genetically mutated unicorns nobody else wanted. We figured what could be more unique than a mythical creature with a genetic mutation thrown on top? We're playing the ball on the ground this year to preserve the “look”. She can get a little pokey from time to time FYI.
Rachel is a gourdophiliac, or someone who has an uncontrollable obsession with gourds. This handsome fella didn't know what he was getting himself into. We couldn't tear her away from him the entire time we were at the patch. Finally we gave in and put this balloon on her head for everyone's safety. Rachel was absolutely devastated when some teenage punk ripped this guys head off and smashed it on the ground. We're buying orange balls this semester and telling her they're pumpkins.
When looking for a defender we prioritize certain characteristics. Are they good in the air? Do they have height? A long stride? Finally we realized what we were looking for all this time was a giraffe. Luckily we have connections at the zoo (A. Webb) and were able to get our hands on Taylor. Not sure how we're going to get her to away games yet as none of us have a convertible or sun roof.
abby with a y
When we discovered Abby she was actually a professional breakdancer. She had mistaken this soccer exhibit for the world breakdancing hall of fame. Here you can see her mimicking statues of who she thinks are two of her idols, Erving “the dreidel” Washington and “Skinny Elbows” Dupris. Abby made seventy five cents that day before security escorted her off the premises. Anyone interested in seeing Abby apply some these moves on the pitch should check out Abby's bio from last season.
Ally likes to feel fast all the time, even if she isn't moving. In order to placate this peculiar desire we've employed a number of recent graduates from the humanities to carry a fan around in front of Ally to give her this sensation. Here you can see the fan set to high while playing some kind of auto racing video game. Since Ally doesn't want her hair to get all crazy, we've forgone purchasing any new equipment this season so we can afford all the hair product required to counter act the constant breeze.
October 22nd, 2016 in Clemson, SC. Never forget....never. Andrea was shot in the back during a game vs UNC by some redneck confused by a television commercial that told him the fall was ginger season. But we got t-shirts, so totally worth it, right?
UGA WCS has had a longstanding and very strange fascination with cats. Can't explain it, probably don't want to know why one semester a group of players tried to communicate solely through meowing to one another, but this kind of stuff happens. Here you see Becca on her way to the grocery store carrying on the tradition. Her depiction of “grumpy cat” represents what we know to be the true nature of cats...... they're total dicks.
Grace . . . indeed
Club soccer is getting more competitive every year and the need to find good players means we have to start looking at younger and younger players. This is a photo of when we first started recruiting Grace for the club team. Look at that athleticism! We have no idea what she's doing, but she's gotta be at least twelve or thirteen inches off the ground, which might be a couple more inches than her age. 11 years down the road and we're seeing the fruits of our labor pay off.
Hayley is soooo excited about this season, she just can't stop smiling. So if there's anything you've been hesitant to say to her, you should really take advantage of her current state of mind. I'm sure at some point she is going to get sick of people asking her to say cheese. If she were a few inches shorter and had blonde hair, we may have mistaken her for Briel.
A little known fact about Kyle is that she was raised by bats. This photo was snapped at her “apartment cave” which gives new meaning to the term “off campus” housing. Because of her unique upbringing her eyesight isn't what it should be, so she relies on hearing the shots in order to save them. Don't be alarmed if you find her upside down on a crossbar at halftime, she's just resting. She's petitioned to have all our games at night this semester.
If the ball mysteriously begins doing unnatural things. If a Clemson player's head suddenly shrinks to one quarter its original size. If a murder of crows descends upon your team during a game, if the entire club sports administration disappears one day, if you suddenly feel intense pressure somewhere on your body, like someone is poking you with a needle, don't look at us just because our goalkeeper is a witch.
linds . . . kidding it's melvin
It's a damn shame what happened to Melvin on picture day. Hit in the face with a ball, stung by multiple wasps, then there was the shellfish reaction. All within 20 minutes. Since Melvin is one of the top students in the theater department here at UGA they've had to scramble to change their fall billing and are currently deciding between the Elephant Man and Goonies so Melvin can still play a main character. We keep making her yell “Hey you guuuuys!!” It never gets old.
Meghan loves science, children's cartoons, and puns. What we have here is a perfect storm of all three of those things happening at once. Not sure what grade she received for that project, but A+ on the social media game. By the way UGA, maybe we stop building indoor football facilities and get our science classrooms out of the 1970's.
Soccer players need to have quick feet. Irish dancers have quick feet. It only makes sense that we kidnapped Michaela from the Riverdance touring company. She is enjoying her new life as a soccer player now, but she still has one of the strangest warm up routines any of us have seen. What? You didn't know Michaela was Irish? Duh!
Sheridan was kicked out of an off broadway production of Pippi Longstocking for knocking her cast mates over and pushing others off the stage when they flubbed their lines. She was later dismissed from a local production of Punky Brewster for similar reasons. In each instance, upon hearing of her dismissal, she got a twenty yard head start and ran the directors over. Don't let that face fool you, she's a killer.