Abbi with an I
Behold the ruthless ravenous Soccercharadon Abbicharias. Know to wade in shallow grasses, it is distinguishable from similar species because of its enormous cranial fin that is visible six feet above the grassline. She has an insatiable appetite for goals, defender's ankles and pizza. Occasionally she gets caught in the net and it's a real pain to get her out. She's usually thrashing about biting at anything that comes near. Usually we just have to wait until she tires herself out and then cut the net. We spend a fortune on replacement nets.
Abby with a y
Abby is the perfect case of how sometimes lost things are better left unfound, like Nemo for example. Abby would have had full use of her lower extremeties this season if it wasn't for that freak fishing accident over the summer. Pay attention kids, this is what happens when you flush animals down the toilet. They mutate, find you at a picnic and eat you. But seroiusly, can we just use pictures of Abby for everyone's bio next year?
Ally spent the summer on Carnival Cruise's new Pirates of the Caribbean Cruise Adventure. You spend four weeks pillaging and plundering small coastal towns in the Caribbean, while also forcing your way onto other cruise ships where you make vacationers walk the plank before stealing their valuables. For those of you who have been to Myrtle Beach, SC you already know pirates have a strange affinity for miniature golf. So when you aren't setting things on fire, or callously murdering families from Milwaukee, you work on your short game. Ally came back this fall with some precious gems, a nice set of Samsonite luggage, and an aggregate score of 58 under par. Nice putting!
Andrea has shaved since last year and lost the mustache, but is sticking with her Mexican roots and sporting a gigantic sombrero this year. The thing is so big we can't even get it all in the photo. Is she hiding Amel under there? When was the last time you saw a red headed hispanic person? Answer, today. This is actually a prescription sombrero, recommended by her dermatologist to keep that Pennsylvania skin out of the Georgia sun. She got the one that covers your legs in shade. Skin's gonna look great, but the heading game might take a bit of hit this season.
Is it me or are there a lot of people on this team whose names begin with A? Weird. Anyway, Ashton is a freshman on the team this year who needs to do some more embarrassing things, have photos taken of those things, and post them on social media so we can then broadcast it to the world. Until then, here's a wet cat.
Bre is really well rounded and she has her fingers in a lot of pies, even imaginary ones. She's a soccer player, jazz connoiseur, competitve eater, and amateur witch. Don't look directly at her face or you'll turn to stone! Still fine? Ok, well like we said, amateur witch, she's still working on it. Hopefully by the regional tournament she'll have the goalkeeper into newt spell figured out. Way easier to score on newts than it is on actual goalkeepers. Somebody would definitely have to take goal kicks for the other team if their keeper were a tiny lizard.
Carlye with an E
Carlye's suspender game is strong this year. No, that's not a wig, and no that's not a real eye. If it were, we would have to ask why she looks like she's about to fall asleep. That's really a Manrique meter. Similar to a gas gague in your car, this measures how much longer Carlye can go without Mexican food before collapsing on the ground and shriveling up into a raisin. Good thing we're headed to VT soon. Just a head's up though, you could be in for a long trip if you drive with Carlye. Despite a very particular georgraphic location, somehow Manrique's is on the way to VT and Florida, and USC, and Alabama. You figure it out.
Claudia spent the past few months in Australia doing all manner of inadvisable things. Somehow, despite her best attempts at death by outback creature, she managed to make it back to Athens. Take this photo for example. Way too excited to be jumping in the ocean armed only with a snorkel and goggles. You know what's down there? Sharks, giant freaking sharks! I even heard once that someone put freaking lazerbeams on their heads. You're super excited for this, I know.... but there are SHARKS!
Emily aka em dog
You may remember from last year's pic that Emily had some issues getting food caught in her hair. Now we're glad to report that she's got it somewhat under control. In a precautionary stroke of genius she's gone ahead and grown out a moustache so the food gets caught in hair closer to her mouth rather than travelling all the way up to her head. Genius. Some people may see this as a complete disregard of normative gender grooming habits. Some might say she's a femenist icon, but really, she just wanted to stop cutting peanut brittle out of her hair.
UGAWCS players aren't born, they're made. We'll first they have to go to high school, take the SAT, apply and get accepted, but then, then we make'em. Hayley was disappointed with her spring season and went as far as to take the fall off to surgically enhance herself for soccer purposes. Nobody knows what to expect come the spring. Maybe she'll be 6'3'', maybe she'll have a third leg, maybe she'll have kevlar knee ligaments, maybe she'll have blond hair. Nobody knows, but we're anxiously anticipating her return.
Our team puts a premium on commitment and correlation. We also love the US Women's National Team, so when we realized that Amy Rodriguez and Shannon Boxx both had children and then won the World Cup we figured we had to do something. It also can't be a coincidence that Christie Rampone has two children and has won the World Cup twice. Jenna got right on this for us*. She probably shouldn't have been at tryouts in the third trimester but we appreciate the commitment. Hopefully now that we have a lucky baby, we'll be on our way to future success.
*Note: At no time was Jenna with child, that's not even her kid. We totally stole that baby to up our chances of winning regionals.
This is actually Justine this year. Jersey girl in Vancouver representing the US. I don't know where the Canadians get their impression of us. I will say, if these were pre game drinks then fine, two is an acceptable number, however, if this was a post game celebration then you really should have gone with three. It would have been far more appropriate. Three stars on the jersey, three frozen drinks, and if Lloyd can score three in 15 minutes you need to put those down in 15 minutes! C'mon Valdes where's your patriotism?!
Kyle is afflicted with laporiphobia, which as you can well imagine, is the fear of rabbits. She hates Easter! Every year she tries to get over the fear, like we see here, but 19 years in and still mortified of giant fluffy bunnys. I'm not sure what we'll do if a team decides to glue ears, whiskers, and a bunny tail to a ball and kick it at our goal. Our goose could be cooked. “Don't freak out Kyle! It's just a cat! Just a Cat!”
Step One: Be more silly
Step Two: Photograph silliness
Step Three: Post to social media
Step Four: Erase before applying to jobs
Duna na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
Amel (the last Unicorn)
This one has to be up there with Ashleigh Smith's clown photo of 2013. Simply majestic! Such a stoic creature. Let's just say that unicorns were real, and I'm not necessarily saying they aren't (see photo), but if they were, and their horns were indeed made of waffle cones, they would be the most endangered species on the planet. You can lead a horse to water, but can you take a unicorn to Ben and Jerry's? They know what goes on in there. The horror! The horror! Run Amel, run! And stay away from College Ave!
Webb, A. #98562410
This is Ashley's prison basketball league photo. If you find any worn down toothbrushes, razor blades, shivs, or weaponized household products, please return them to Ashely, but don't look her in the eye. Eyes down! When Ash isn't digging escape tunnels under the club sports complex, she's usually at home watching Orange Is The New Black, remeniscing about the good old days. I remember the first game she played for us, the ref insisted she take her jewelry off and she told him she couldn't because she didn't have the key. Those were really nice matching bracelets.
Let's play a game we like to call “What's Becca Doing?” Something you should know about Becca is she's a multi tasker, so don't just go straight to air guitar. Although judging by the actual guitarist in the background, her form is pretty decent. Let us explore some of the other possibilities, like skeet shooting, pole vaulting, spear fighting like the Greeks and Romans, or she's probably just about to flip you off for making fun of her air guitar. Knowing Becca, it's probably all of the above. One thing we know for sure is that she's influencing a younger generation, a real trend setter.
Blah, Blah, Blah, we all know the story by now. Here's your wet cat.
Carly with no e
Carly is a complicated person. She comes to us from Clemson where people apparently dress like this all the time. Car is just saying hey before she runs to the grocery store for nip and milk. Surely, while there, she will be greeted by other people in similar attire. Maybe they'll play with some string before heading back home. Luckily, this team is full of cat lovers, so no big deal. However, she is going to have to square her vet school ethos with her pedeliction for wearing giant dead animals. Awkward!
Once again this year we present further proof that Devin is indeed a leprechaun. Either that, or she is morphing into Jim Carrey's Grinch character. Some folks wake up in the morning and put makeup on to get ready for the day, but not Devin (which is a super Irish name incase you didn't know, even further proof) she prefers to have people throw green coloring at her face. Now she's ready to take on whatever the day might bring. You never know who's going to try to steal your pot of gold. Or for that matter, your pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, purple diamonds, etc. You see where we're going with this.
Gia, Gia, Gia, Gia, we know you've got the goods hidden somewhere, but until you share them with the interwebs you're stuck with a wet cat!
Classic misunderstanding between human and giant frog with tragic consequences. That my friends is a 15 foot bouncer frog. Holly, at the time was 5'11” and made the unfortunate mistake of touching the bouncer frog. The frog asked for four, which was the cover charge that evening, and when Holly slapped his hand, the frog felt threatened and squished her. Holly is now 5'1”, but we're thankful she wasn't killed by a giant amphibian.
Like Hayley, Jordan is taking this semester to be surgically improved for soccer purposes. Although her reasoning is slightly different. Jordan was training to become the new Chiquita banana girl, as seen here early in her training trying to get that damn pineapple to stay on her head. It's not easy trying to shimmy with a bowl of fruit on your melon and sure enough, boom, hips give out due to pineapple pressure. She'll be back in the spring though, way after the fall harvest for precautionary reasons.
Here at UGAWCS we always like to keep a few sets of twins around for emergency purposes. What's better than replacing a player with a genetically identical version of themselves. So hypothetically speaking, and I want to stress hypothetical here, let's say you had a player that avoided social media entirely. Ordinarily you would just “wet cat” that person and move on, but what if that person had a twin? One could potentially put an embarrassing photo of their twin on a completely random website and nobody would ever know the difference, right?
Lindsey was just minding her business at the beach one day, using random pieces of straw to make mustaches, as we all do from time to time ( the shadow makes a pretty nice Fu Manchu stache) when someone dropped their grocery bag out of a bi-plane and it landed on Lindsey's head. She was in a coma for three months, but never dropped the straw. Impressive. By the way, who goes grocery shopping in a plane.
Aruba, Jamaica, ohh I wanna take ya..... to the suburbs of Atlanta where we can dress up like hula girls in my room. Seriously though, Sarah's turns are incredible on the soccer field, and no doubt that skill has been refined by hours of practice... hula dancing in her room with friends. That hip rotation is really key. Now if we can just get her to stop wearing grass skirts over her uniform and saying aloha, we never know if she's coming or going.
What is it with these players and their desire to be eaten by prehistoric creatures? We all know Mary Beth is a sportswoman of many talents, but I think you're doing this one wrong. Not only does the waterline in this picture look like the kind of place alligators love to hang out, but Mary Beth's face also tells me that it's the kind of place alligators love to hang out. Ah, boat please! Let's trade those skis for cleats and that water for grass. The only think you have to worry about here is the Soccercharadon Abbicharias.